"Goodbye for Now" ((Inuyoko Mass #50))
Hello, everyone. My name is Inuyoko T’Alveni. I have been blessed by the grace of Deoch to be a High Priestess of this faith since deoch 215, and a member of its clergy since deoch 53. Last double-moon, I spoke about Deoch as a god of new beginnings. Today, I’d like to talk about…well, myself, if you’ll all be willing to indulge me.
In my 27 cycles of life, and nearly 21 cycles of Aislinghood, I have been many things. A daughter, sister, philosopher, theologian. But it will shock no one here when I say that the main thing that has defined my life and my passions is this Shrine. When I was still a Mundane, it was my father who first brought my sister and I here. My father was Sgrian, so I also spent time there in my youth, which may explain my lifelong connection with that Shrine and that faith. Before I was sparked, I can’t say I completely understood the ritual of this place, but I knew there was something special here. That is why when I finally became an Aisling, I immediately gravitated back.
I have never been strongly allured by the heat of battle, or the sweat of craftsmanship. I was and still am a bookworm, obsessed with our history and all the strange forces that weave our world. I have always seen Deoch and Danaan as central to our place in that web, thrusting us into it and casting us as key players in this most bizarre of cosmic happenstance. Yet, also, mercifully, allowing us to maintain and enrich our own identities and struggles. But that is an overwhelming prospect, even should we choose to embrace it. I spent many cycles here, alone amongst these stones as a passive observer, and a learner. Even as a member of the clergy, I rarely did more than assist with prayers, consecrations, and the like.
But that all changed in deoch 212. When I woke up to this dream for the first time in many, many moons. I wandered about, and saw a long unfamiliar bustling of activity. I saw other Aislings of the clergies giving sermons – Phever, Nadja, Merisa, and others – and I felt something stir. You could say I was inspired – that was certainly true, but more specifically I felt like there was a hole that was filled inside of me. I spent my entire Aisling life as a person of deep faith, but I felt a compulsion in those moments to move beyond the barest of activity I had done before and be a bigger part of what in my eyes is the greatest of what Temuair has to offer. As I navigated my way along, I was guided by folks like Landon and Carnaugh. Veterans of this faith who showcased to me different facets of what we represent in the modern era. A connection between the by-gone eras of the past and what we are experiencing here and now.
And of course that extended beyond the Shrine. I still remember the first time I reached out to Kedian after a Sgrios Mass we both attended, and tried to pry his brain about the scope of the Octave, formulating my own ideas about music and conjunction, intoxicated by the ramifications of what his older works said about the gods, the realms, and us. Now, he is a dear friend, and a colleague, as many of you and others have also become. Those relationships have pushed me to achieve things that in my youth I only ever dreamed about. I’ve become part of a College that used to be just a lofty aspiration, and I’ve been able to meet and connect with people like Merisa, Ramanayan, Aphrodite, and others whose works I’d long studied, but whose humanity before I could only glean from text. The reality is so much more fulfilling to experience.
I also want to make mention here of the Troupe. An institution I have admired as a life-long citizen of this beautiful village, and whose ranks I’ve been privileged to join. Though I wish I could say I’ve done more, the experiences I have had amongst them are ones that I will carry with me. The vast creativity and potential of this community is endlessly inspiring.
My fellow Carrots, too, welcomed me in my chrysalid form and helped me to push beyond the self-made boundaries that kept me firmly locked in my second circle of insight for so, so long. I learned what it was that inflamed my dear sister Iire’s passion for adventure, and began to understand it. I still remember fondly the first time, freshly mastered, that Akko brought me deep into Shinewood Forest to hunt. And I have so many other similar memories, with so many wonderful sparks.
So what is the point here? Why am I waxing poetic about this time, in the grand scheme of things so small? Well, as you grow older, even relatively small periods of time like this have a way of feeling so much bigger. Today marks, from my estimation at least, exactly one cycle to the moon since the first time I stood here and spoke to you all. I stood here and with a trembling veneer of confidence spoke about warmth, and what it means to me. I said “When I say warmth, I think of the warmth I see in the eyes of a loved one. I think of the loving feeling experienced when joy is shared. I think of the slow relief that eases the body, sitting before a fire on a cold night.” Today I can confidently say that the ‘loved one’ I was referring to is more than what I was thinking of at the time. It is all of you. I went on to reference Merisa’s work, “Octave, Frozen, Octave (Year of Deoch)”, quoting: “We represent the best of Aislingkind. And I refuse to accept that our generation will be known for one of ennui.” Again, at the time, I’d say my perspective was limited. I saw this quote only in the context of the time it was written, perhaps glazed over with nostalgia. But I realize that it is more of an eternal wisdom. Should Chadul’s icy grasp take all of us tomorrow, I can still confidently say that our generation cannot be one known for ennui. As long as there is still life in Aislingkind, then that ennui cannot overtake us. Again I call back to the difference in perspective between then and now: At the time, I was grateful for what a singular bard seemed to achieve: a warmth, a thawing. I said: “Deoch’s flame burns hot and brightly, but it is creativity that fuels His love and His passion, and I have no doubt that that Bard’s song helped to bring His awesome power back to us…” But again I repeat myself: “The Bard” was no singular spark. That bard was all of us, breathing some life into this world.
Every double-moon since one cycle ago, with only two exceptions, I have stood here as you all graciously lent your ears, and your energy, to me. Over the course of writing and sharing 50 Masses – nearly 35,000 words – I have feasted on the spoils of that good will, and everything that comes along with it. And I… *chokes back a bit, putting her hand to her mouth* … I am so unbelievably grateful to each and every one of you. *sniffles, keeping her fingers curled up against her mouth and nose* I… What I am trying to say is that this Mass will be the last one that I give, at least as part of this regularity I have been maintaining. I will be representing the faith at Solei’s fair coming up, but after that I don’t know when I may return. I expect I will give Masses again somewhere down the line, but for now it does feel, at least ostensibly, like a goodbye.
*Takes a minute to compose herself*
At the beginning of this Mass, I told a bit of a lie. A half-truth. I said that the subject was myself, but it really is, as it always has been, about you. About this beautiful community. I am merely a humble Priestess here, and I am honored to be a small part of this Shrine’s enduring legacy, but Deoch’s flame rages in all of us, and we are all emblems of His faith. I am not “stepping down,” and I am not disconnecting myself from the faith. I know that if I am somehow needed to bolster this fire, you all will find a way to let me know, in this dream or another.
But for now, I will harken back once more…for real, this time! To my first Mass:
“Remember this as you continue on in your adventures. Keep your creativity alive, and worlds like ours will never grow cold.”
*With tears in her eyes* Thank you all for being here with me this sun. May the spark of Deoch’s flame keep you warm forever.
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